d a g w o o d d o g s
a n d
d o n u t s
As the Royal Adelaide Show comes to an end for another year and I listened to the fireworks from my balcony, I sat and reminisced about the rite of passage we should all experience as Adelaidians.
I must admit, I didn’t actually go to the show this year (because I have a mortgage), but I think some things never change, and there are some pretty universal experiences we all go through during those ten magical days in September.
1. You’ve felt that sense of accomplishment upon finishing the Yellow Brick Road. After you’ve fought your way through throngs of people for a single fucking carrot, you deserve a medal. A bunch of kale would be terribly on trend these days wouldn’t it? Up your game YBR.
2. You’ve been wowed by a new and innovative product being pedalled in the Jubilee Pavilion and probably signed yourself up for a competition. But brace yourself; this will inevitably lead to an awkward amount of phone call screening in a few weeks when the cold sales calls start coming in. The thought of a foot spa was a really good idea at the time…
3. You’ve dabbled dangerously in catching hepatitis while sampling some heavily fondled cheese cubes in the gourmet Taste SA gourmet pavilion.
4. You’ve circled, calculated and deliberated over your showbag selection and been sick with gut-wrenching jealousy of those kids who got to sample them all. That Saturday morning the showbag guide came out in the paper was spent picking the best my allocated showbag budget could buy. As a kid I loved the My Stationary bag (lads line up). The pubescent years were all about the magazine showbags. You could delve deep into the back issues and get schooled by Dolly Doctor while sifting through treats like single serving tampons and sachets of Nivea body cream. Also. Bertie Beetle4LYF, AMIRITE?
5. You’ve considered the need to file for bankruptcy upon paying the entrance fee. I don’t think I’m ever going to reproduce, solely for the fact I don’t think I’ll ever be able to afford to take my future spawn to the Show, and let’s not even talk about the zoo.
6. You’ve watched the woodchopping and been super impressed by those surly dad-bods and the sheer speed in which they get the job DONE.
7. You’ve gotten slightly ‘gambly’ and obsessed with winning a giant stuffed animal toy at a sideshow game (even though you totally know they’re rigged). What will you even do with the toy if you win it? It’ll probably sit awkwardly in your spare room and then end up being a sad, soggy unicorn in your hard rubbish three years later.
8. You’ve wanted to push small children out of the way in order to pat a baby animal. ‘OMG that chicken has a mohawk??’. Cute as.
9. You’ve risked a severe spinal injury on the Mad Mouse (RIP)/Zipper/Claw. They definitely do regular maintenance on these things right…? RIGHT?!
10. You’ve been taken back to the late 90’s with some hard dance club bangers pumping from the rides. Nowhere else are you guaranteed to hear some classics from La Bouche and Culture Beat.
11. You’ve made yourself sick on the dagwood dog/hot donut combo. Maybe throw in some hot chips with sauce from a squeezy packet for good measure. Although your Yellow Brick Road loot may suggest otherwise; this adventure was never going to be a healthy one.
12. You’ve worn some sort of shitty headwear and thought it was cool. Rasta hats complete with faux dreadlocks are so hot right now.
13. You’ve pondered heavily about the carney life. Do they have real homes? How do the children go to school? Would they take me on for my gap year?
14. You’ve been stuck being the showbag holding sucker at least once, and you’ve experienced the walk back to the car at the end of the night which may as well be compared to the Kokoda track. Red hands, sore legs.
15. You’ve watched the super cars on the edge of your stoop and been 100% convinced you’re about to witness the carnage of a head on collision.
16. You’ve had a cute cuddle with your mum/dad/significant other while watching the fireworks at the end of the night. You’ve thought about the fun you’ve had throughout the day, but also realising it was exactly the same experience of every other year of your life.
Oh Royal Show, please never change.
Photos taken from the Google.